Missed Connections

Every now and again, I like to check of the missed connections section of my local Craigslist page. Part of me wants to see, if by some chance, I caught someone's attention. Another part of me likes to picture each missed connection as a tiny movie. As I read through these posts, I also notice that there are many people that want to reconnect with someone. 

There is someone I would like to reconnect with as well. So here is my missed connection. 

It has been many years since I've seen your face. But not a day goes by that I dont picture it. We first met in college. I was an education major working as a tutor, you were a massage therapy student, needing a client for a massage. I was immediately attracted to you. The full body massage you gave me that day is one I wont forget. (For the reader: This was all it was, a simple full body massage, nothing more)

I thought for sure after seeing my body, I would never see you again. But we started to see each other more. As we got to know each other, I think it is safe to say that we started to fall for each other rather quickly and very hard. But once again, fate would be against me as you were in a relationship, and I do not have it in me to make a move on someone that is already taken.

Time went on, and you moved on, literally, to Alabama. I would hear from you a few times since, but it has been years now. I'm sure I'm nothing but a vague memory by now.

You are much more than a memory to me. If I could change things, I would have told you I felt the same. I still do. You will forever be the standard in which I judge everyone else. You are forever the diamond I seek. 

If this is you, please contact me.

A Little Catching Up To Do

So, after a long absence from my blog, it is time for me to catch you up on the joke that is my attempt at dating. In my last post, I talked about a date I had been on at that time. I realized that the post was very incomplete, and this is due to it just happening. Well, as good as I thought this date went, I guess I was wrong. I never heard back from her.

Fast Foward:

Having jumped quickly back into the online dating, I met another woman online that quickly took an interest in me. We met quickly one day for coffee just to meet. She "gets sick to her stomach" and needs to leave. Never hear from her again.

Fast Forward Again:

Once again, I head back into the world of online dating. I meet a teacher. Already have something to talk about as we have the same career. A couple weeks down the road, she and I meet up for dinner at a local place. I think the conversation is going well. We had planned to go dancing later that evening. She checks her phone for a split second, and explains the entire situation of having to drive 2 miles away all of a sudden to help her mom out. For those of you unfamiliar with the world of rejection, this is known as the rescue text. A planned text message or call to be received when requested as an escape a date. Anyway, we finished our meal and she left. Later on, I decided to text this woman, giving her the benefit of the doubt of the events that preceded. The only reply I got back was, "I want to thank you for dinner, but to be blunt, I don't think this will work out." Rescue text confirmed

So, here are the numbers over the past 12 months:

- First Date Then No Calls: 6
- Not Going to Work Outs: 2
- I'm Just Not In The Right Mindset For A Relationships: 1 (I'll return to her later, maybe in another blog post as we're still talking)

So there we have it, 0-10 just in the past year alone. This doesn't include the number of rejections I have received over the years.

Being that I work with math, I know to look for the common factor. In this case, the common factor is me.

Me.

This imperfect person that I have dedicated my life to developing in to someone unique. Only to be discarded time and time again. But, as the saying goes, there is someone out there for me.

Right?

Right?

..........

First Date

What lead me to starting this blog was my journies, and mostly failures, through online dating. About a month ago I met a woman on Match.com. Because of our busy schedules, we didn't get a chance to meet until yesterday. When we started to make plans for a first date, I did not have an initial idea of where to go. Being that it was a week out I thought I had time to make an unforgettable first impression. But instead she made a suggestion, and the suggestion was that we have dinner at a cafe design as a hall of fame theme to my favorite college sports team. It blew me away.

Well, when yesterday arrived, I made sure I got to the place a little early to ensure we get a table in case the place was busy. I was able to get a table. Nerves started to play a factor as I looked around and realized how much of a perfect place this was for me personally.

I texted her and let her know where I was seated, I also asked if I could order her a drink. She sent me her drink request and I put it in waiting for her to make an appearance. She showed up, walked toward me and gave me a smile. She looked just like her picture, which was good because I found her attractive.

Anyway I stood up to greet her not knowing how to initiate the first contact. I nervously said hi with a lazy smile. I didn't know whether to go in for the awkward first hug, stand there like a goof, or what to do. It was all up to instincts from there. Which is not good given my track record. I decide to go in for the awkward hug. As my body prepared itself to go in for the hug, she extends her hand for a handshake. Yeah, just as awkward. So it all of a sudden felt like an interview instead of a first date. Which the two are almost the same.

So what are we going to talk about during dinner? My strengths and weakness? What other past dates would say about my performance? Where do I see myself in five years?

I didn't even think to bring references. Luckily we had a very pleasant conversation. Typical getting to k ow each other questions. Learning about each other's families and jobs.

Then she says to me in what felt like the middle of us talking, "Well thank you for dinner." I had already paid the bill. So we walked out making small talk. We got to our vehicles and said goodbye with parting hugs.

So, only time will tell now. I hope the Journeys of the Forever Alone Guy does not go on, but the dating world, for me, is a long process.

Stay tuned to see if this journey of the Forever Alone Guy turns into a journey of the Taken Guy.

Easter Wanderings

Holidays are always a bitter sweet time for me. This is time for family and to remember the religious aspects of the given holiday. So how did I spend the entire day? That's right, alone, complete and utterly alone. No calls from family inviting me over. No one coming over to visit me. Just me.

So I thought, "Why not blog post number 3?" So why not?

Thanks to the magic of Facebook, I was reminded of a post from 2 years ago. The post recollected the thoughts of the beauty I saw traveling to Florida to help my mom move. I can vividly remember the beauty of the scenery I saw throughout the trip. The world out there, when you take a step back from everything, is truly complex and beautiful. 

Since this trip, I have driven the distance round trip twice. Each time I am taken away by the beauty hidden away from the eyes of the everyday observer. And I found this interesting because beauty is truly in the eye of the beholder. And when I see something I think is beautiful, I take time to appreciate it. 

So, if you come across this post by chance, and happen to read this far, I'd like to enourage you to appreciate the beauty in life, because it's everywhere. You'll just have to look.

Some Feelings Never Change

"Love is our true destiny. We do not find the meaning of life by ourselves alone - we find it with another." - Thomas Merton

I was first introduced to this quote from the episode titled "Zugzwang" on Criminal Minds. And the idea that this is our true destiny has always inspired me to continue my search. Throughout my long journey, there have been a few women that have stood out to me, and possessed qualities that I now desire in a potential spouse.

One such woman I ran into last night. To protect identities, I will not mention any real names. However, I saw this person while out grocery shopping. I had not seen her in quite a few years. However, thanks to the magic of social networks, we have kept up with each other. We had met in college, both of us taking a computer programming course. She wanted to be a video game designer. I know, beautiful and nerdy, to good to be true. Well of course, she was taken. Since I'm not the type of guy to lure woman away from their boyfriends, we became friends. She and I eventually became very close for a while before life took us our separate ways.

Anyway, back to this encounter. In the years since I have seen her last, I have developed a bit of a social anxiety. I was extremely excited to see her, but felt awkward as we stood there and she introunced me to her husband and son. It was awkward for me because through the uneasy body movements, I felt I was giving off a bad vibe. Anyway, aso we talked, I noticed how happy she was with life. Having been as close to her as I once was, I couldn't have been happier for her.

So I knew from that moment, whomever I end up with, I want the same type of friendship I had with her, one that I regret having lost as life sent us our separate ways.

First Blog Entry

Greetings readers,

The following blog posts are stories among my sad attempt to be successful in the world of dating. Over the past few years, I have tried my hand at online dating and had very unimpressive results. However, over those past few years, I have learned a ton about what women look for, and what I desire.

From my experience, there are four types of female online daters. The first being the physical connection type. This person is one that is looking for someone that they are physically attracted to, and has the potential to pass down strong physical traits to offspring. Being a man of larger circumference, these are the women that will pass up my profile and messages with a blink of the eye.

Next is the divorced/single mother type. Now I have went on a few dates with these types and they tend to be amazing women. However, unfortunately somewhere down the line they have been hurt. This pain that they suffer creates a hesitancy to trust new potential romantic interests in their lives. I totally understand and respect this about them.

The third type of woman in online dating I call the last resorters. The last reporters feel like they need a relationship with someone so badlyrics, that anyone that gives them attention, whether it's good or bad. But this also leaves them to feeling insecure and clingy when they do meet someone. These are the type of women that will, in my experience, push back at every nice thing you say about them, or complain about your quirks. And yes, I have dated a few of these women as well.

The final type of woman is fabled in online dating. This type of woman is what I have been looking for over the past few years. Almost like bigfoot, I swear I see her standing in woods, but turns out the image was just fake. This woman is someone that is perfectly ok with the person I am (which I am a dork according to many sources) and feels the freedom to be who she wants to be.someone that pushes me to be better, while at the same time, getting the same support from me. A great sense of humor, trustworthy, passionate. Someone so rare, that I cannot think of other adjectives to describe this person.

Please note that physical appearance has nothing to do with the qualifications I seek. I have met so many beautiful woman of all shapes and sizes that the outside doesn't matter to me, it's all about the connection we share.

This blog is to dedicated to Journaling my journey to finding that one person, whether it is from online dating or not. Looking for that 4th type of dater, the unicorn the universe has made for me.